Welcome to Stumbly’s second post and hey, if you’re reading this, you are awesome and will have good luck for 7 years.
For this post, I’ll be discussing exes etiquette and in particular, the great debate on whether or not you should ever talk about them, to who, and how much. Because let’s be real: We’ve all been there and sometimes it really is hard to determine if you should say anything! So, let’s dig in:
Should you talk about exes with friends?
Personally, for me it’s a maybe. If you’ve just broken up with someone, it’s natural to reach out to your friends for comfort and to vent to them about what went wrong. Sometimes you just need a little sympathy, right? But I’ve found that this “grieving period sympathy” only lasts for so long…and what that really means is that is lasts maybe no more than a week. While your friends do care about you and want you to be happy, it is likely that continuing to bring up your ex time and time again will only make them think one thing: That you’re so obviously NOT over your ex. And that’s the last thing you want someone to think, right? You want to be the half of the broken relationship that picked themselves up right away, brushed off the dust, and said, “Eff it, ain’t no thing.” Now, that’s probably not how we really feel inside but that’s the ultimate image we want others to see.
Also, your friends are going to get tired of hearing all that crud over and over again. My advice? Keep it mostly to yourself, or possibly one very trusted friend that honestly doesn’t mind.
No. Never. Don’t do it. First off, never ever ever bring up or mention past relationships on a first date, or really even any date for that matter. It’s an automatic turn off for the person sitting across from you because 1) It compares them to somebody that they’ve never even met before and makes them feel like they have to compete with a ghost and 2) It shows them that you really aren’t ready to be in a relationship. (Or at least, you’re not ready for the next date) Bottom line, want to dig yourself into a dating grave real fast? Mention your exes on dates.
The only possible exception to this rule is sometimes, when you’ve been dating somebody for awhile, they might ask about your past relationships. If that happens, don’t feel like you have to give them an epic, Star Wars length saga of your dating history. If they are honestly that into you, they won’t care or even won’t want to know about the guys or girls that came before them. So just give them the bare bones and change the subject. If they pursue the subject than ehhhh, you might not want to keep hanging with this person because they likely have control or jealousy issues of some sort.
Should you talk about exes with family?
If they ask, sure. Your family obviously cares a lot about you and if they start noticing that you never bring Bob or Jane back home for visits anymore, they’re likely going to ask about it. That said, they don’t really need the specifics either: They just want to make sure that you will be okay and that you won’t let a breakup get you down.
Okay, let’s say I just *happen* to start talking about my ex….it’s not bad all the time right?
Not necessarily, but the jury is out on exactly how you should talk about them. A lot of times, we find ourselves falling into the pit of bad-mouthing our past partners in crime. Ashley Fern, a contributor for the Elite Daily, says this is a big no no: “At one point, your ex was someone you held near and dear to your heart. You do not have the right to talk sh*t about them just because things have ended.” While I mostly agree, sometimes I’ve found it to be therapeutic to talk to close friends about how much you’ve grown without your ex. For example, my first relationship was with one of those charismatic guys who waltzes you away with his confidence( something I was lacking at the time). Unfortunately, he also thought he was the best stuff on earth and had a tendency to over play his abilities. Not long ago, I heard from an old friend that my ex had dropped out of school, moved across the country, and is now one of those #strugglingartists living out the back of his car. Now, while I do feel some pity for him, I also feel better about my decision to break up with him all those years ago.
In a way, being able to separate yourself from an ex who turned out to be less than stellar can make you feel validated for your choice in breaking up with them. It makes you feel that you really did make the right decision and eases that feeling of “But what if I hadn’t?” Of course, this isn’t really something that you need to discuss with anybody; instead, it is something that you just figure out for yourself.
Well, now’s the time: Do you agree with me? Shoot me a comment if you disagree/agree/want to add an ex meme!