Most of us already know about single-shaming. It’s what causes that awful sinking feeling in your stomach when during the holidays, your uncle would jibe “Hey, when are you gonna get a boyfriend?” Or when other people try to set you up constantly, even when you’re happy just being on your own for awhile. Essentially, single-shaming is the act or feeling of being sneakily put down by others for not being in a relationship or dating.
Obviously, this is bad. It’s also pretty recognizable. So if you hear it? Say something. And don’t do it yourself.
But the other side of the coin, one that people don’t really seem to talk about, is shaming people who are in relationships. So the big question here is, why can’t we all be understanding and accepting no matter what someone’s status is?
I.E. why can’t we all just hold hands and sing Kumbaya???? (Besides, that being ridiculous, obvs.)
I say we make things real simple by just taking a moment to think about our own relationship statuses and then consider these 3 things.
1) Everybody is guilty of relationship status-shaming at one point or another.
2) Being single doesn’t mean somebody doesn’t understand love or they have no chill.
3) Being in a relationship doesn’t mean somebody can no longer relate to all of singledom or isn’t the same person they were before the relationship.
Ladies who have a significant other: Don’t just assume your single friends don’t want to hang with you around your plus one. Maybe they don’t give a damn and are mature enough to not moan and groan around happy people. That said, be respectful of your single friends and refrain from behavior you wouldn’t do in front of Mom and Dad.
Single ladies: Don’t diss your taken friends by heading out for a fun night and leaving your poor friend alone wondering where everyone went. Just because she’s in a relationship doesn’t mean she doesn’t want or need girl time. She probably really does!
By excluding people based on their ‘status’, you would be essentially saying that they are not the same person because of that status. But that’s wrong! Just because Becky got a boyfriend doesn’t mean Becky doesn’t like All Girls trivia nights anymore.
Similarly, just because somebody is in a relationship doesn’t mean they don’t have the right to enjoy talking to other men. It doesn’t mean they don’t have the right to go out. Being part of a couple doesn’t mean you cease being who you are. I can’t stress how tired I am personally of getting side eye when I try to explain to my single friends that I understand what they’re going through.
Because remember! Everybody has either been single or will be in a relationship at some point. So let’s stop the relationship status-shaming. Because we’ve all got more important things to fight for out there.