Am I just crazy, or are extra AF weddings popping up everywhere these days? Especially on social, I keep seeing images of over-the-top weddings where everything is staged and the extravagance is insane.
Whether it’s sending the dog down the aisle in a miniature remote-controlled Porche, or hiring a designer to make two dresses for the wedding, it seems that many weddings are becoming showier these days.
Is this taking us farther away from focusing on what a wedding is really about?
To me, a wedding’s focus should be on the couple and sharing the start of their loves together with friends and family. Of course, I would want my friends and family to have a fun time, and I do want to go crazy DIY-ing stuff and making it look beautiful. But I don’t want a circus where I’m the queen ringmaster and my fiancee is a whipped pony performing cartwheels across the tent floor. (Seriously. How many people do you know that have made their fiancees learn a certain dance or do something at the wedding simply for appearances’ sake?)
In general, I think people have felt the pressure to pull off their dream wedding and make it absolutely perfect. I don’t doubt that these people truly do love their fiancees, but I think many people lose sight of that love behind the “show” of the wedding. I always want to ask: Are you truly doing this for yourself? Or is it for your guests? For social media? Lord knows it’s probably not for the person you’re marrying. (Most men I know, for example, would rather have a small affair and skip at least 95% of wedding activities.)
If having an extra crazy, expensive wedding makes you happy, then yes, you do you. Absolutely! But I think many people are confusing what makes them happy with what makes them feel accepted, or glamorous.
I recently saw a photo on Instagram of a YouTube star’s super extravagant wedding and somebody went on a rant, asking if the parents had paid for it and how the money spent on the bride’s designer dress could have paid for the dinners of an entire village. I had mixed feelings. On one hand, it’s their money, their choice. On the other hand, I can see how an extravagant use of money for one day can look bad when there are so many people in the world who could benefit from that money. It made me think back on my childhood and my family, who valued being stingy with money and saving for experiences, not things. I grew up wanting things that I couldn’t always have, and that resulted in some jealousy and bitterness toward my peers that could afford the fancy new iPhones or clothes.
So in a way, when I see somebody throwing money into pointless things for a wedding, it makes me feel personally angry because it takes me back to a time when it was sometimes hard to see other people have experiences or things that I couldn’t have. Really, I was just trying to rationalize maybe why the Instagram commentator felt that way and why I could relate to it.
What I think is important to remember is that you’re allowed to have personal feelings about the things you see in the world. Sure, it might not be your business, and you shouldn’t always comment on every extra AF Insta photo you come across, but you’re allowed to have feelings. You’re also allowed to take what you learn from those feelings and apply it to your own life.
So I won’t be commenting on anyone’s extra wedding photos, nor will I be trying to persuade anybody how they should or should not be spending their money. But I will think carefully about what I want from my own wedding someday and what message I want to send to my guests and the world on that day.
I hope it’s one of love.